Day 4 – The Nightmare Gets Worse

“It could always be worse…” is a phrase used to remind people (very insensitively) that although their situation is bad, it could always be worse. This is a very poor attempt to comfort someone who is struggling. If you are reading through this plan, chances are you have heard this sad attempt to comfort you.


While in the early days of my recovery and fight to live, I experienced something called “delirium”. Although there is a much more scientific explanation available elsewhere, I want to share my experience with you. Because of the mix of medications, trauma, isolation, grief and physical pain, I began to have some of the most horrible, realistic, scary dreams you can imagine.


Repeatedly while in the hospital, I can remember becoming agitated. Sometimes it was triggered by a specific person visiting me or finding out some new, heart wrenching development. The hallucinations would probably be a good follow-up book one day but for now let it suffice to say the nightmares seemed overpoweringly real. They were amazingly detailed and so overpowering that I still remember them.


I only share even the thought of this delirium to share this truth with you: even in the face of horrific, overpowering, desperate situations, God is in control. He alone can sustain you and pull you through. No matter how deep your grief, God is there along side you.


As I think back to it now, episode after episode, God was there helping me endure the delirium. I remember the fear, panic, and helpless feeling I had as one terror after another came. There were moments where I felt like I was losing my mind. It is interesting that our greatest enemy uses lies to create fear, anger, desperation, and hopelessness in our lives. I am thankful that God sustained me then and he continues to sustain me now.


I don’t know what lies the enemy is telling you. “God doesn’t love you”. “God has abandoned you”. “God can’t save you”. The lies that satan tells us, especially in our greatest weakness, are designed to destroy us. I can honestly say that without God’s abundant grace, I would have never walked out of the hospital. What lies is the enemy telling you? Replace those lies with the promises of God.


Remember today that alone, you are not strong enough to stand against the lies of the enemy. Thankfully, you aren’t alone. Through faith in Jesus you are filled with God’s Spirit and He (the Holy Spirit) is greater than he who is in the world (satan).


First today we will look at the fact that our enemy is the father of lies, the author of confusion, and that he is like a lion looking for a soul to devour (1 Peter 5:8). It is when we realize that our greatest enemy seeks to use the grief to destroy us and separate us from God, that we can seek refuge in the One who can protect us (1 Peter 4:4).


Second we will look at the Scripture where we see both the faith and fear of one of the super heroes of the New Testament, Peter. During the midst of a storm, we will see that Peter walked out on the water when he trusted Jesus. We will also see that the second he got distracted by the wind and waves, that Peter began to sink. Ultimately we will see that Jesus saved him when Peter cried out (Matthew 14:22-33).


Today’s Prayer: Lord, the fear and hurt seem like they will consume us. Today we confess that we don’t understand your purpose but we trust that you are good! Lord we thank you that when we feel like we are drowning, that you walk on water. Calm the storms in our heart and help us to hear your voice. Help us hear your truth and flood our hearts with the overwhelming calm and peace you promise. Please protect our hearts from every force of darkness that seeks to destroy us. Give us strength for today, in Jesus name.

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