Day 5 – The Lord Gives and the Lord Takes Away
March 11th 2017 was the day that my life changed forever. On that day I experienced the most devastating loss of my life. On March 27th 2017, sixteen days after the initial wreck, things went from bad to worse. I can still remember the moment like it was yesterday…
“Daniel I need to tell you something…”, my younger brother was standing beside my bed. Still unable to speak but becoming more aware of the devastation caused by the wreck, I knew something was wrong. “Daniel, Brynleigh and Cassie have passed away. I’m so sorry”. I have never had a more helpless feeling than I did in that moment. Unable to walk, talk, move, or protect those who meant the most to me.
I remember closing my eyes and motioning for everyone to leave my room. Not being able to fully cry because of the constant inflation and deflation of my lungs caused by the machine that was breathing for me, was harder than you can imagine. I can clearly remember at my lowest moment, I wanted to die. I tried to stop breathing and if God would have given me the option, I would have given up.
I remember reading the story of Job several times throughout my life. As I read through the unthinkable suffering and loss that Job suffered through, at the time I could have never imagined that suffering. I remember being able to finally use a smartphone to communicate again, even while still hooked up to all the machines.
I remember posting: “The Lord has given, the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” When I posted this it was an attempt to let the world know: I may be down and broken. I may be hurting and suffering. I may be experiencing the worst moments of my life, but I still trust God.
I want to be honest with you, the next few days, weeks and months would truly challenge my trust of God. Years later, there are still days where I struggle. I have heard people say that you should never question God. If that is true, I confess that I am guilty. I am thankful that the God I serve is big enough to not be affected by my anger, doubt, and He is patient enough to answer my questions.
First today I want you to know that because God created us, He is fully aware of our emotions, thoughts, and needs. Scripture reminds us that God is all knowing, all powerful, and present. Because of His divine attributes, we can rest assured that God is fully able to sustain us, answer our questions, and give us peace in the most violent storm. Jesus promised a Helper (John 16:7) and it is that Helper (the Holy Spirit) that fills the heart of every person who places their hope and trust in Jesus and helps them in their most desperate need.
Second I need to remind you that Jesus never promised life would be all “Cupcakes and Rainbows” (John 16:33). This is an important reminder because I have found that the Bible alone fully understands, explains, and reveals my heart and life.
Today’s Prayer: Jesus, we know that you promised we would have tribulation in the world. Today we confess that the tribulation has overwhelmed us. We need you to remind us that you have overcome the world. Let the truth that since you live we will also live remind us that this storm will pass. Lord, we can’t see it right now. Help us even when we can’t see how the pain will ever go away to know that you make all things new. Help us to continue feeling you as we seek the healing we know only you can give, in Jesus name.